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“I’ve never broken up with anyone so how should I handle this?”

A male Australia, davie writes:

It has been the hardest choice I’ve ever had to make in my life but have decided for my own happiness I need to break up with my boyfriend of four years.

We have a great relationship but there have been intimacy issues for three years and I just can’t take it anymore. I could handle rejection from some guy but from the man I love it just hurts way too much.Anyway my question is how? I’ve never broken up with anyone before and don’t know what to do. I am in my mid 20s, he is in his early 40s. Surely I will hurt him however I do it but I want it to be as minimal as possible. I feel like an absolute bastard as he is unemployed at the moment. Should I wait until he has a job or would that be wrong? It just seems so daunting. We’ve been living together for three years in a house I own. It will all be so much harder for him.Put simply I just don’t know what to do. I want to do this as kindly as I can and would greatly appreciate any and all advice.

 

A female reader, mcbirdie United Kingdom +, writes (21 August 2008):

mcbirdie agony auntWhen ending a relationship, I try to do it the way I would want it done to me (as much as one could ever be said to “want” to be broken up with).

 

I do not wait until the circumstances seem better, because the idea of someone staying with me out of pity when they’re really desperate to leave is extremely unpleasant.

 

Be calm, be firm (if you know it is the right decision, don’t try to soften the blow by letting him think there is any chance to fix the relationship–it ends up far crueler in the end), and give him time to ask questions and discuss it. You’ll want to do it quick and get away from it, but if the dumpee wants to know the whys and hows, give it to him. You’ll appreciate giving him closure now, rather than six months down the line.

 

It’s never easy, but if you have made the decision, you need to tell him. Find a time when you can be alone and undisturbed and tell him.

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