Considering how fickle and ornery I can be when reading messages and profiles, I actually have very few clear-cut and resilient requirements for a match. I have my preferences, sure, but just about everything gets bent for the right person (…is that what she said?). There is only one completely rigid, will-not-change requirement and it is currently starting to chafe my ass because it keeps knocking out otherwise great matches:
I will not have anything to do with a man who lists his preferential age range to be significantly more young than old.
If, for example, a man is willing to go ten years younger in a mate, I want to see him willing to go ten years older. I’m willing to have a little bit of flex there with the actual numbers, but generally speaking, if you’re willing to go 15 years younger but only two older, then I kind of hate you*. You give me the creeps, as it were.
I keep profile-stalking a guy whose face I like the look of when it pops up in my stalker list because I forget why I haven’t written to him yet–seriously, I stalk his profile and like most everything I read, I see him show up in my stalker list, I go back to his profile, on and on and on with never a message. It always takes me an embarrassingly long time to remember that the problem is waaaaay down at the bottom of the page, wherein this attractive 41 year old man tells me that he is looking for a woman between the ages of 26 and 38.
Seriously. His woman needs to be at least three years younger than he is and up to FIFTEENyears younger. Do I care that I technically fall into his desired range? Hell, no, because he’s marked himself as a damned creeper. A creeper who would date me is still a damned creeper.
If you’ve seen me stalk your profile a couple times and you think we have enough in common that it’s weird that I haven’t written to you, you might want to check your preferences. Are you coming across as being a creeper who equates a woman’s value with how close she is to her first period as compared to her last? Then that would be why I haven’t written to you and why I am unlikely to respond to you if you write to me. I might write to you and tell you why, but it’s not as likely.
I tried that with one guy who was an absolutely delicious match with me, but was looking for a woman of 20 (seriously, what do you think I could possibly have in common with a 20 year old woman in terms of how we are in relationships?) and only up to 34–he, of course, was 36. He agreed that his age range looked bad and changed it. To women who are between 25 and 34. Bam.
Is the problem that I am old, dusty, and filled with jealousies of the young ladies coming up behind me with unlined skin and an appreciation for older men that I lack? Possibly. But generally, I just don’t like the feeling it gives me when I realise just how many men think that younger must be better, even when that means chasing only women who are younger than they themselves are. We’re all going to get older and hopefully we’ll make it to being properly old; trying to date someone who is decades younger than you isn’t really going to help you out in that process.
And, hey, if you’re a British man who is 41 years old with a preference for younger women and you keep seeing me stalk you? I’m talking about you. You’re attractive and I totally would have written to you by now if you weren’t grossing me right the fuck out. So there’s that.
*–Please note that I do not want children and so limit my searches to men who similarly don’t want children. If a man was in his 40s and wanted children, I can understand seeking women who are more likely to be in the child-bearing years.**
**–Though if we’re being completely frank–and I think we are–I would admit that I rather think that a man who hits his 40s and still wants children should just about have to face the notion of it being “too late” to have natural children in the same way that a woman of similar age might have to. Equality, bitches. Listen to your and your partner’s biological clock or go adopt.