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Quickmatching like a dick on OKCupid

I don’t normally do much with Quickmatch, but sometimes when I’m looking to kill a few minutes, I flip through.  I’ve never made any real connection through Quickmatch, mind–even though I get plenty of “you both rated each other highly” messages, they never seem to come to any fruition–but it is an occasional amusement.

More interesting than the guys I’m looking at, though, is the realisation that my rules for who gets a high rating and how I rate are really kind of arbitrary and dickish.  To wit:

  1. The only ratings I give are a 2 or a 4.  I figure no one deserves a 5, a 3 is pointless, and a 1 seems harsh.  So a 2 if I don’t want to hear from you or a 4 if I think, you know, an amusing first message might seal the deal.
  2. Only one picture is an automatic 2, no matter how good the shot.  I feel like we live in the modern age, there is no reason why there is only one digital example of proof of life here.
  3. Any pictures flipped over or repeated, automatic 2.  It implies a techno-incompetence that I cannot deal with.
  4. Any kids in the picture, 2.  Are they yours?  Don’t want ’em.  Are they someone else’s and you’re trying to appeal to my ovaries’ notion that you’re a Good Guy Who Gets On With Kids?  Screw that noise.  2, man.  2.
  5. Selfie taken in the bathroom with clear toothpaste marks on the mirror?  2.  You’re gross, dude, and clearly have no attention for detail because how did you upload that and not realise that you were looking gross?
  6. An opening line that starts with “Hey, my name is XX”, “I’m just me”, “RU 1 N a milyun” is an automatic 2. Similarly, any indication within the first few lines that filling these things out is hard/boring/something you’ve been struggling with for a long time.
  7. Similarly, “I’m XX years young” or “I’m XX but I don’t look it”.  I can’t even with this nonsense.
  8. If all of your pictures involve some wild crazy good time.  Burning Man, wacky costume party, AND rock climbing?  You exhausted me.  2.
  9. If every paragraph of your profile is filled out in list form, 2.  That kind of laziness guarantees bad oral.  You can take that to the bank.
  10. If you haven’t broken any of the above rules and you have at least one shot that contains a dog, you’ll get an automatic 4 even if I don’t think you’re that attractive.  What can I say?  I dig guys with dogs.

The moral of this particular story:  If you’ve ever gotten a “you both rated each other highly” message with me, you have rocked right through a crazy gauntlet like some proud champion.  Also, I’m kind of a dick on Quickmatch.

And elsewhere, but you know how it is.

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